Oh, the false hope we place in that circular icon.

I hope my life will change.

Click.

I hope I can laugh again.

Click.

I hope for a relationship.

Click.

I hope the world will stop burning.

Click.

What Hope Is

Max Lucado says, “Hope doesn’t promise an instant solution, but rather the possibility of an eventual one.”

Sounds nice. But why wait when I can click?

Refreshes feed.

The image of a fictitious Mark Zuckerberg at the end of The Social Network, continually clicking the “refresh” button on his Facebook profile comes to mind.

Mark hoped the girl he lost would come back in the form of a friend request.

Click.

No request.

Click.

Nada.

Click

Credits.

The Sickness of Instant Gratification

Instant gratification is eternally dissatisfying.

Why?

Because Ecclesiastes 3:11.

It says, “…He has also set eternity in the human heart…”

Meaning, our divine algorithm senses there is more to life than clicking, posting, refreshing.

Deep down we sense that the source of true satisfaction is an eternal longing, not on-demand pixilation.

We know the firehose of social media is high on dopamine, but short on hope.

But we click anyway.

The Problem of Our Problems

Then, there’s the problem of our problems.

What of the debilitating anxiety, searing loneliness, and loss of purpose?

Click.

Where do I find hope that better days are ahead? Hope that I’m meant for more. Hope that joy is coming in the morning?

Click.

Credits.

Having nothing better to believe in, I move on to what’s next. The next big thing, the next hot take, the next viral reel.

Sure, I’ve moved on in mind, but my soul is bogged down.

Wait for It

But if we can somehow disentangle our souls Silicon Valley, Scripture points the way forward.

Beckoning us beyond with a message of true hope and where to find it.

Isaiah 40:32 says, “but they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

Speaking through his servant Isaiah, God tells us we can have hope now, if we’re willing to wait.

Sure, waiting can take a really long time. An eternity even.

But unlike camping outside the Apple Store for the next iPhone, hoping in the Lord is actually worth the wait.

Call to Action

1. READ THE BIBLE: Instead of clicking for something new, reflect on something old.

• Go back to the Scriptures. Read them. Meditate upon them. Let them lead you to the Ancient of Days.

2. PRAY: Instead of passively receiving from content creators, actively pray to the whole-world-creator.

• Retreat from the content firehose. Dry yourself off and find a closet of prayer. Be still and listen for His voice.

3. REACH OUT: Unfriend the false and pull close the real.

• Not that social media friends don’t have their place, but they are a poor substitute for real, flesh-and-blood friends. Remember, a ‘three-strand-cord is not easily broken. “

PLEASE SHARE

Speaking of refresh buttons, if you find this article to be helpful in the social media feeds, please consider “sharing” on social media.

LEAVE A COMMENT

I’d love to hear how you balance your mental and spiritual health in the modern age of social media saturation. Please give me a shout in the “comments” section.

The post Hope Beyond Your Refresh Button appeared first on .

Tapping the brakes BEFORE your crash is not only good trucking practice, but pertains to ministry as well.

Dopamine hate brakes, longevity demands them.

Trust me.

A few months ago I began to deal with next-level ministry fatigue. The past three years in ministry have been very demanding. 

I felt myself begin to pick up too much momentum down the mountain. 

I recognized the feeling because I’d been down that road before. 

Ten years ago while, pastoring a church plant, I chose adrenaline over recovery. I have the scars to prove it. 

I write about it in my book, Better After Burnout.

Those painful lessons did teach me a few things, though. So recently, I began to ask for help, slow down, and cry out to God. 

And waddya know, I didn’t die this time.

The mantra “All gas, no brakes” applies to ministry only if you’re trying to see how big of an explosion you make when you crash and burn.

It’s much less painful to slow down in advance than sift through the ashes of a crash. 

Trust me, I’ve done both.

The post Hitting brakes is better than sifting through ashes. appeared first on .

Immediately after being baptized by John and validated by God, the Spirit drove Jesus into the wilderness to be tried by Satan. 

Mark says, “He was in the wilderness forty days, enduring temptations from Satan. He was with wild animals, and angels were ministering to his needs.” 

Not pleasant, but necessary. 

When writing about the wilderness, Steven Pressfield asked the question: 

Why do we (so often) need an All Is Lost Moment in our own lives to break through to another level? Can’t we just do it at a happy time? Do we have to push ourselves to the absolute abyss in order for real change to sink in? I hate to say it, but that seems to be true.” 

I agree. 

While we might read how-to books and hone our talent or hire a coach to sharpen our skill, we need the wilderness to deepen our character. 

And character is what sustains next-level success. 

But because we are rewarded more for our persona than our character, we can leverage our talent to bypass the wilderness. 

After getting a sweet taste of our gifts, fans hoist us on their adoring shoulders. Carrying widely around the wilderness, straight to the stage. 

In the meantime Satan, wild animals, and the darkness keep checking their watches, waiting for their appointment to show. Like a jilted lover sitting alone at a white cloth establishment, they wait in vain. We’ve stood them up. 

But Satan’s not the only one we’ve jilted. The Spirit was there also. Waiting to give wilderness gifts. Patience, faith, humility, gratitude, spiritual authority  

It’s no wonder the wilderness avoider doesn’t stay at the next-level very long. 

And any next-level that can’t be sustained is not one worth reaching.  

Best to hold off on that next level until the wilderness says we’re ready.

The post How to get to the next level. And stay there. appeared first on .

The post Keeping it together while the world is falling apart. appeared first on .

At least, that’s what they called it when I was a kid.

This is why I mention going to therapy every chance I get.

• I write about it in articles,
• There’s a chapter on it in my book
• I weave it into my sermons

I’m aware it makes some people uncomfortable. “Why is this guy sharing his private medical information? TMI.”

Because a few years ago people called psychiatric hospitals “The Nut House.”

And language matters.

In fact, when battling depression several years ago I was very resistant to calling a therapist.

Why?

Because counseling was only one step away from “The Nut House.” And how could one ever live down the shame of going there?

Language matters.

Last week my chaplain duties called me to a death notification. We had to inform a mother that her son took his own life. She was asked if her late son had ever gone to counseling.

“No. We tried to get him to see someone, but he just wouldn’t have it,” she said.

No one will ever know why this young man didn’t give counseling a shot. No one will ever know why he decided death was a better option than living. No one will ever know if counseling would have saved his life.

But we do know language matters.

And if I can use language to flip the script on mental illness stigmas, I will do so every chance I get. Because sometimes a person’s very life is at stake.

If you’re struggling, friend, go get help. Don’t delay. You’ll be so glad you did.

P.S. If you or someone you know is considering therapy, but don’t know where to start, check out my post, How to Find the Right Therapist.

The post The High Cost of Mental Illness Stigmas appeared first on .

And if you run into enough dead ends or have an unpleasant first experience you might just forget the whole thing.

That would be a mistake.

Because the right therapist could be one of the most important relationships in your life.

I want to help you past these obstacles. So I’ve reached out to both mental health professionals and clients for best practices in finding a good therapist.

Take a listen to their advice.

Advice from Clients

Client #1 (yours truly):

Ask a local mental health professional for recommendations.

I met a psychiatrist at the Rotary Club who was very involved in our community. I asked her for the lay of the land.

She compiled the most helpful email ever.

She included individuals, firms, and non-profit organizations. She wrote as much detail as possible for each therapist, including payment structures, specializations, and their ideal client.

Not only have I repeatedly used this reference sheet for others, but it helped me find my personal therapist of the past three years.

Client #2:

First, I prayed about finding the right one. Next I went to psychology today to look at profiles based on my needs. I narrowed the list to my top two and called them both.

I tried the first one who called me back. It has been a great fit!

Client #3:

I Googled first.

My wife also did an anonymous post on a local Facebook group asking for recommendations.

We took those recommendations and started to ask trusted people if they were familiar with any of them. (We also asked outside our own denomination’s circle.)

For me I thought it was important to have a shared background and experience with my therapist. So I only wanted one with experience in Pastoral ministry.

This wasn’t a deal breaker but was absolutely my first choice.

I also insisted on a male. This limited my options overall.

I was initially told that the therapist I chose had no availability, but they would ask if he’d open a new slot. Thankfully this therapist prioritizes pastors and made one of those slots available.

I’d never have gone without my wife’s support and my mentor’s encouragement. Their “permission” made all the difference.

Advice from Counselors

Therapist #1:

First of all, The United Pentecostal Church International has 2 resources. They are Apostolic Healthcare International and The Center for Apostolic Counseling.

Also, ask for recommendations. 

About 30% of my recent clients are referrals from people I have seen in the past who told their friends. So ask your pastor and friends for recommendations. 

Also, look at online reviews.

And it’s important to make your first session a test run. This is huge! Look for a comfort level and therapeutic style consistent with your beliefs.

Not all styles are consistent or conducive to one’s worldview or spiritual beliefs.

Funny story.

When I was working on my LPC license, the first clinical supervisor wanted me to rub crystals. Then, he wanted us to rub one another’s feet.

I nearly tore a hole in the wall getting out of there!

Therapist #2

Consult your network

In terms of directly finding a therapist you can go through your own network connections – a pastor, ApostolicCounseling.org, an insurance referral, etc.

Get Comfortable

Find someone you are personally comfortable with and are willing to be open and honest with. You may be able to call their office and ask them a few questions that are important to you before you schedule.

Some therapists have public profiles where you can read reviews and their specialties.

Be thinking if you would you be more comfortable with a male or female, Christian from a specific background, specific training, etc?

Clarify Your Goals

Determine what you want to achieve.

Knowing a general goal or clearly expressed concern will help you narrow down who would be the “right” therapist for that goal.

For example, a UPCI therapist may certainly be an understood criteria. 

However, if you are dealing with anxiety or depression, a therapist with specialized training in these areas may be more effective.

Prioritize the Connection

Ultimately, finding current research says the most important variable in counseling is the relationship, or rapport, between therapist and client.

Therefore, more than their specific credentials, faith background, etc… find someone you feel comfortable with. Find someone you’ll be open and honest with. 

Don’t be afraid to “interview” them over the phone before scheduling the session. I interview my clients before I agree to work with them.

Therapist #3

Get Recommendations

First, get recommendations from friends, doctors, churches, etc. in your area. 

Websites are a good place to get basic information, but therapists can have good websites and bad counseling skills.

Word of mouth is our clinic’s best referral source. 

Check Credentials

Second, question their credentials.. 

Question 1: Are they a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Social Worker, or a Psychologist? 

Question 2: Are they in good standing with the state board? (Type their name in the state board website to verify.)

Question: Do they have additional training? 

If you’re dealing with something specific, there’s probably a counselor that specializes in that issue. But only if they have additional training. 

Here are a few examples:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocess) is good for trauma.
• Play Therapy training/certification is good for children. 
• CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) is good for sex addiction.
• EMDR or trauma plus extra training is good for drug addiction. 

Hire a Specialist

Third, consider a “specialist”. 

Clients have better results when matched with someone with a special desire to work with that population. 

And the best counselors have found their specialty area. 

This can also be relevant when it comes to issues like depression, anxiety, infidelity, ADHD, etc. 

Therefore, find a therapist with a “calling” to your issue. 

In our clinic, we have several therapists, and we try to match the client to the right therapist. 

So make sure to ask for that specialty area.

Analyze Your First Session

Finally, reflect on your first session before committing long term. 

Some helpful questions to ask yourself are:

• Do I feel comfortable to open up? 
• Do I feel valued as I talk? 
• Do they listen with genuine empathy? 
• Do they make the session about me being the expert on my situation, not them?

You want a counselor who will truly listen to your situation, then help you process it. 

No two situations are the exact same and counselors need to help you process your unique situation

Do the Work

In closing, I often say, a therapist doesn’t work unless you do. And the work begins when you start looking for one.

The post How to find the right therapist. According to clients and counselors. appeared first on .

Rightfully so.

The courage it takes to hazard one’s life in order to save another is the best of us.

Ministry is a lot like that.

We are compelled to set aside our own comfort in order to go where the hurting are.

As rewarding as this process is, however, it’s not without great cost.

The stress of saving lives.

I have a friend who is an EMT. As someone in the business of “saving lives”, he’s constantly on the edge of burnout. This is because, no matter how many people he helps, the next day there’s someone else who needs saving.

Ministry is a lot like that.

As rewarding as it is to minister to the hurting on the one hand, it’s equally draining on the other hand. And much like the EMT profession, the threat of burn out in the ministry is ever present.

I have first-hand experience with this. Seven years ago, as a church planter, I burned out to the point where I thought ministry was over for me.

But by God’s grace it wasn’t.

I tell my story in my book, Better After Burnout, which you can order here

Ministry life is hazardous. And t’s imperative that we learn to balance engagement in ministry with personal spiritual health.

That’s what this series of posts has been all about. And today, we wrap it up.

But before we do, let’s review.

The 3-R Method for Ministry Longevity

In the past two posts we’ve been discussing The 3-R Method for Ministry Longevity. I base this principle on Jesus’ ministry rhythm displayed in Luke 5.

In short, The 3-R Method encourages you to:

Retreat from the crowd.

Renew your mind, body, and soul.

Re-engage the crowd to minister again.

Want to catch up on what you missed?

• Read the RETREAT post here
• and the RENEW one here.

Today, we close out this series by discussing the third “R”. That is, the need to RE-ENGAGE the crowd for another round of ministry.

To fully understand this point, let’s go back to our anchor passage.

The sequel that never was

Our story in Luke 5 begins with Jesus ministering to a huge crowd. The highlight of the day was him healing a leper. Word of this spread like wildfire causing a throng of people to rush Jesus for Miracle Monday Part II.

But Jesus wasn’t up to a sequel.

Instead of working overtime, He RETREATED from the crowd in order to RENEW his mind, body, and soul.

Luke 5:15-16 says it like this.

15But now even more the report about him went abroad, and great crowds gathered to hear him and to be healed of their infirmities. 16But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.

Previously we discussed the rich lessons from our savior’s RETREAT for RENEWAL. But that’s not the end of the story.

RE-ENGAGEMENT is.

Take a rest. Then get back at it.

Although it is the crowd that saps our energy, it’s also the crowd to which we are called. And once we’ve recovered, like Jesus, we must RE-ENGAGE to minister again. No matter how scary it can be.

Luke 5:17-19 shows us this.

“…They had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with Jesus to heal the sick. 18Some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.”

Here we find a RENEWED Jesus at it again.

Up to his neck in broken, hurting, desperate people. In fact, the crowd was so dense that a few guys cut the healing line. They hauled their paralytic friend to the roof, tore a hole in it, and lowered him down to Jesus.

In this instance, Jesus didn’t walk away.

Instead, He healed the man. Not only that, He forgave his sins, got into hot water with the Pharisees, and brought glory to God in the eyes of the people.

All in a day’s work.

Since we’re not God manifested in the flesh, our ministry day might not look EXACTLY like this, but it will be similar. Ministry work days will involve bringing Jesus to hurting, broken, and desperate people. Especially these days.

And we cannot share Him from the solitude of the desert. Because the desert’s not where the people are.

So after you’ve had your rest and recovery, rush back into yet another burning building.

Because that’s where the saving happens.

Be a Statistic. A Good One.

In conclusion, while ministry statistics suggest you might not finish your course and keep your faith. I believe you will. I also believe you should. Because there is great heavenly and earthly reward in the weathering of tough times in order to thrive on the other side.

Paul said it like this, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

You’re going to be on the thrive side of the statistics.

Especially, if you cultivate a rhythm of RETREAT, RENEWAL, and RE-ENGAGEMENT.

Just like Jesus did.

The post Be a ministry statistic. A good one. appeared first on .

In his piece on Biblical Leadership, Matthew Fretwell recently gave his top five reasons why. 

They are: 

1. Financial Reasons
   Many churches, particularly small churches, don’t pay competitively.
   
2. Leadership
   They simply don’t have any kind of support structure inside the church that allows them to feel satisfied and to lead with confidence.
   
3. Toxicity
   The church can be one of the best places in the world to work. It can also be one of the worst.
   
4. Family
   80% of pastors feel that church life has had a negative affect on their family.
   
5. Loneliness
   Many leaders just feel lonely. 

I GET IT. 

And if you’ve been in ministry long enough for the naivete to wear off, you get it too. In fact, you may be considering quitting yourself.

Ministry can do that to you. 

But it doesn’t have to. I’m a witness. 

Failure Is Not the End

Seven years ago I burned out so badly, it took me three years to get back into vocational ministry. I wrote a book about it called Better After Burnout.  

The book discusses how I fell apart in ministry, thought it was over, only to see God put me back in ways I’d never imagined. 

I’ve been back in full-time ministry for more than four years now and am holding up better than I ever thought I would. 

I will say this though, I’ve certainly changed a few things. Through failure, I learned some keys to ministry longevity. And in this post I will pass one of them on to you. 

The 3-R Method for Ministry Longevity

A framework that I employ is something I’ve nicknamed The 3-R Method for Ministry Longevity.

In short, the 3 R Method encourages us to: 

Retreat from the crowd.

Renew your mind, body, and soul.

Rengage to minister again. 

This principle is based on Luke 5:16, which says, “But he (Jesus) would withdraw to desolate places and pray.”

In my previous post, I covered the principle of RETREAT. 

Today, I will address the second “R”, which is…RENEW. 

Ministry RENEWAL

Purpose of RETREATING from the crowd is not to be lazy, pout because we’re offended, or quit the ministry. 

Instead, we retreat to RENEW our mind, body, and soul. 

Ministry is very demanding. It asks us to give out from our inner being, day after day after day. 

Consequently, if we don’t replenish our depleted spiritual reserves, we begin to give what we no longer have. 

And that, my friend, is a recipe for disaster. Trust me on that one. 

Eat, Sleep, Pray, Repeat.

This is why it’s so important to develop a rhythm of spiritual RENEWAL. I have much to teach on this topic, but for today I’ll leave you with a cheesy little acronym to get you started. 

It goes like this:

R- Rest Disengage from physical and mental activity. 

E- Eat Replenish your body with the intake of healthy nutrition

N- Nap Sleep is not optional. 

E- Energize  New energy is injected into our depleted reserves. 

W – Worship The very heart of renewal is to reconnect with God

You don’t have to quit

In conclusion, If you find yourself a little fatigued today, don’t lose heart. 

You don’t have quite the ministry in order to get your joy back. But you might have to change a few things.  

The post Why people quit the ministry. And why you don’t have to. appeared first on .

The principle is that if we focus on doing what we’re good at, all of our wildest dreams will come true. That was twenty years ago and I’ve never forgotten. 

So when I decided to write my first book, I chose a topic I’m really good at…failure. (Just kidding…well, kind of)

(In fact, I’m such an expert on the topic I’m teaching a Masterclass on it starting next Monday.)

My book is titled Better After Burnout and it talks about how I fell apart in ministry, thought it was over, only to see God put me back in ways I’d never imagined. 

I’ve been back in full-time ministry for more than four years now and am holding up better than I ever thought I would. 

I will say this though, I certainly don’t go about things the same way I did before. Through failure, I learned a few things about ministry longevity. And in this post I will pass one of them on to you. 

The 3-R Method for Ministry Longevity

The principle for today is a little thing I’ve nicknamed The 3-R Method for Ministry Longevity. 

I base this concept on the story of Jesus healing the leper in Luke chapter 5. 

The story tells us that despite Jesus telling the man to keep his healing hush-hush, word spread quickly that the doctor was in. Predictably huge crowds immediately flocked to Jesus. At this point in the story one would think Jesus would finish off a full day of ministry by “healing them all.” 

But he didn’t. Jesus walked away instead. 

And that leads us to our first “R” in The 3-R Method…RETREAT. 

That’s right, the Bible tells us Jesus walked away, leaving a bunch of sick people disappointed. 

RETREAT

Luke 5:15-16 says it like this

15But now even more the report about him went abroad, and great crowds gathered to hear him and to be healed of their infirmities. 16But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.

Just as Jesus RETREATED from the crowd that day, sometimes we need to do the same. 

To be clear, Jesus wasn’t forsaking his calling, being cruel to people, or retiring from ministry. Instead, he was refilling his spiritual and physical reserves that had been depleted by a long day of ministry. 

A move that would position him to actually FULFILL his calling in the long-term. 

We would do well to adopt this same practice. 

In future posts we will go into more detail about how to do that. 

It’s Time to Say, “That’s Enough”

For today, though, it’s enough to be mindful that there will never NOT be people needing ministry.  Just remember you are a “people” and you need ministry too. 

So sometimes it’s important to RETREAT from the crowd, spend time with the Father, and be ministered to yourself.

The post The Day Jesus Walked Away from Ministry appeared first on .

Being cut off from outside sources of affirmation turns our internal monologue against us.  Executing an inside hit job to perfection.

“You’re no good. No one cares. It won’t get better.” 

The prophet Elijah experienced this.  

Being a man of spiritual conscience in a backslidden nation placed him in the minority for sure. People of faith usually are. But loneliness took a discouraging narrative even farther. All the way to the end of the line. 

“I am the only one left,” Elijah eventually said. And this he believed.  

Only, it wasn’t true. But loneliness could care less about the truth. Mania is its goal. And mania run amok will have us saying as Elijah said, “Go ahead and me, God.” 

But God didn’t kill him.

God saved Elijah by exposing internal falsehood with its only worthy adversary. The truth. “There are 7,000 other prophets, alive and well, just like you,” God said. Translation, “You are not as alone as you think you are.” 

God also prescribed the weary prophet a nap and a good meal. Afterward, when Elijah was in a better frame of mind God evicted him from his cave and sent him to find his 7,000 other brothers. 

This past week I attended a big conference. It proved to be very uplifting. There were 15,000 other different people like me there. Fighting the same battles, worshiping the same savior, navigating the same treachery.. 

I can’t say there was one message, one song, or one conversation that encouraged my heart. It was everything. All week. Everybody. 

But I also remember life as a church planter. Having a full time job, three kids, and no per diem made it difficult to go to where the 7,000 were. In the throes of this I became isolated, eventually spiraling into depression. I succumbed to the lies loneliness tells. 

I write about this in my brand new book, “Better After Burnout.” 

Perhaps you’re in a similar spot. Alone in your struggle. Telling yourself how hopeless things are. Don’t waste your time arguing with that voice. You’ll never win. Instead, get some rest, eat a sandwich, and pray. Then, when you feel better, come out of the cave.

You and your future are worth it. Not only do I believe this, but a whole bunch of other people do too. Maybe it’s time for you to get up and go find them. 

P.S. If you find this post helpful, please click “share” and get the word out.

The post Defeating Loneliness in Your Life appeared first on .